My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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