if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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