apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just had sex bonerless
its not stalking. its research.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
