Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
