my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
