Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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