discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
