420 ftw
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
