Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
