she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
