life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
