I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
