just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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