best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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