the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
