i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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