yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i think i scared a bird with my dick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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