so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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