He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize