Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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