Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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