I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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