I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
