Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
cat food counts as protein by the way
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
