Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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