I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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