next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
