I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
