I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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