she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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