i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
