did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
