I wish my penis had an off switch
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
