Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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