Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
