Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
