You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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