Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
