My nipple is on Facebook.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
