man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
