Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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