He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
