just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
