I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
