I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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