Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
