I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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