She is in my trunk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
