What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
