so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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