Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
