Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
