My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
