I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
only you would photoshop your dick
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
