I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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