i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
