R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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