Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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