My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
