I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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