Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
