I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
