I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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