I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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