i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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