a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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