Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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