I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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