I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
