you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
