If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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