im having a threesome with these popsicles
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
